journal

the leap

 


I could tell you it was the air down south, or the 75 degrees for 4 straight days, or how clean the sand was.
I could tell you it was the strange magic of a paper store in Beverly Hills, and Judd Nelson, and a quote that said, "Fortune favors the bold."
I could tell you it was the sound of my own laughter echoing in Christine's kitchen.
I could tell you it was the blocks I walked in my high boots, and the woman who stopped at an intersection and said, "I love what you're wearing" and drove on.
I could tell you it was the boardwalk, or the breakfast at Toast, or the lychee martinis at the Huntley as the sun went down.
I could say it was how stretched out the city felt, long and expansive, as if there was room enough for everybody.
I could tell you that the idea had been at the back of my mind for more than 10 years.
I could say it was the 7 hours it took to drive each way, and how the time felt like intermingling layers of past and future.
I could say it was because I had turned 39 just a week before, and that something about that felt ripe and possible.
I could say it was because my apartment had begun to feel like treading water.
I could tell you it was because of love, even though it isn't yet.
I could tell you it was because I hadn't quite gotten the trip from 6 months ago out of my system.
I could say it was the slap of beach volleyball at noon on a Wednesday.
I could say it was because I felt taller and and smarter and more beautiful.
I could tell you it was about freedom.
I could tell you it was about change.
I could tell you it was about blank slates and fresh starts.
I could say it was because I'd been waiting long enough.
I could say it was because something inside of me told me not to be afraid.
I could say it was because there were more yeses than no's.

 

 

For whatever reason, and for all of these reasons, I've decided to take the leap: an experimental move to Los Angeles for a year. I leave at the beginning of July.

 

I'm nervous, of course - I mean, who knows what this is leading to? But more than that, I'm happy. And proud of myself for knowing it's time. Because it is time. And I'm as ready as I've ever been.